Melissa Oliver
Haukāinga
(or Please Don’t Forget Her Name)
I joined kapa haka at primary school
because all my friends did
and I thought it would make my Dad and Nana proud.
I liked singing, my lungs full
and making poi out of yellow plastic Pak’n’Save bags
with wool from Mum’s craft room.
Ka pīoioi e
Tohu aroha haukāinga
When Pania was stolen
a piece of Te Matau-a-Māui broke away.
I was eight and I felt a
part of my heart fall away,
the part that was reserved
for Pania and for my Nana
HAPI NGAWINI CHERRY OLIVER
two women from the ocean
born on the East Coast.
E hoki mai rā
Kia kite atu i tō iwi e
I’ve never been past Gisborne
but I tell people I am from the East Coast,
I omit the English heritage.
I need to validate my whakapapa,
but the most I’ve seen of Ruatoria is on Google Maps
and in my Nana’s stories,
of a Māori teenager
sent to nursing school
who only knew how to wash her clothes by hand.
E rotarota ana
E katakata ana mai rā
There are moments of my childhood
that only could have happened in mine
and my sister’s
because our Nana was our Nana.
HAPI NGAWINI CHERRY OLIVER.
I mostly stay in Pōneke now
in between my visits
my Nana has forgotten who I am
And also who she is.
Pūkana whētero mai
I te ihi ā ō mātua
Sometimes I feel like I need to crawl
inside myself,
sit there and wait
for my tīpuna to visit.
To find a place to anchor myself now.
I wish I hadn’t taken French at school.
I wish I could speak my Nana’s first language.
Kia kite atu ano
I tō ātaahua e kanapa rā
My music teacher at high school
once told me I was too white to be Māori.
I try not to wish my pounamu was given to me by my Nana,
HAPI NGAWINI CHERRY OLIVER.
Instead it is a gift from my English grandmother.
It feels like an exchange
which my tīpuna are both
deeply embedded in.
Part of an identity that isn’t seen on tongue or skin.
Pupuhi ai e te hau
Kapohia āku roimata
I’ve considered taking te reo courses
but only as an afterthought
once I had completed my degree
and considered, as my friends became teachers,
how I could incorporate tikanga into my everyday life.
I buy an oven hāngi from a café on the waterfront
and I wonder
and I wonder
and I wonder, in English.
Ka pīoioi he
Tohu aroha haukāinga
Melissa Oliver (Ngāti Porou) is from Te Matau-a-Māui but now lives in Pōneke where she works as a Book Buyer. She only started writing poetry when she got super depressed last year. She has never been published before so you can't find her work anywhere else.
The lyrics quoted in ‘Haukāinga’ are from the waiata ‘Ka Pīoioi E’.