it’s eight at night & we’re walking to a twenty-first with four boxes of pizza & way too much frenetic energy & i just suddenly say ‘hey i don’t wanna say something that’s too much to hear but i just gotta tell you why it is i’m so scared—’ & then i do & i don’t even know what i’m saying but you’re in a mustard top & hugging me to your side & i can see the stars & moon & we’re walking up the hills into the night sky but somehow all i feel is grounded

it’s one of those nights where we’re drinking in a bar & i’m crying bc that’s what happens when my heart jumps out of my chest THUD – THUD – THUD – THUD like it does when i feel safe enough to bare my soul & you’re hugging me & telling me i’m the easiest person to be friends with & i don’t know how to explain how much that means to me but it sort of feels like you see me & still want to stay, like i’m something worth holding onto

we’re on the phone & it’s chaos & it’s one of those days where ‘lonely duck please get up’ makes sense in our conversation & suddenly i’m swearing & maybe this poem should be called GIRL ALMOST GETS FUCKING RUN OVER bc that’s what just happened & honestly i shouldn’t have been talking & trying to listen to you instead of paying attention to the road but there’s something about your voice that drowns out all the noise

we’re sitting on a bench in town & it’s just past midnight & we’re waiting for your bus to come & you’re warm and steady beside me when you say ‘you don’t have to be sorry for anything, you didn’t ruin anything’ and it’s a quiet sort of admission into the night but it feels like you’re holding out your hand & it gives me that feeling that’s somewhere between crying & smiling bc your heart doesn’t know how to express how full it feels