Caroline Shepherd
Love/Jokes
I wish I could tell you about this dream I had where you and I started a band
and I wrote all these songs about the way you put your shoes on
or the one where I dreamed your dog learnt to ski and died in an accident
blood on the poles, and I woke up crying
sickly furious at you for letting your dog ski
among other things.
I used to think you were sexy in a funny way
only I told you this once and you didn’t see it right, not like proof of you and me
you thought I was making fun, called me a bitch at that gas station
and I caught the bus home in the dark, crying and not calling you.
I only meant that love is nothing if not funny to me.
Only things that make me laugh can stay, and you did, so I thought for sure,
shorts at graduation, sitting on escalators, keys tied through your jeans loop
your voice shivering through me at every party: all those jokes just for me
I found it all hysterical, you hysterical,
sat up in the dark, still sick with sea-blue adoration for you.
Anyway, anyway. I keep it all to myself. Even the dog thing.
I was made for laughing. I’ll do it again.
Caroline Shepherd is a Masters student at Victoria who has been published in Mimicry, The Spinoff and Stasis. Her license is about to expire.